Career Counseling

Lloyd Dobbler is on my mind today. You know that part where he’s talking to Diane’s father about his future? Where he says he doesn’t want to sell anything bought or processed, or buy anything sold or processed, or process anything sold, bought, or processed? Did he find some resolution in that before the end of the movie? I think a viewing might be in order, if only for the comfort in knowing I’m not the only one who feels like this.

Either that, or I need to get on a plane.

[32 years old, still looking at the world like a senior in high school. This is a bad thing, huh?]

The Story of Doggy Poggy

(I know, "The Tale of Doggy Poggy" is so much more clever. (Cleverer?) I'm saving that for the real story, and that comes later.)

This has been hanging around, taking up space on the mental to-do list for over a week now, so I figured I'd better just catch it on the page already. If your life was written into a book, would you read it?

Not an original thought, by any means. (Mary Oliver alone has said it better a hundred times.) It's one that's taken on new meaning, though, greater weight for me these last couple of weeks. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I need to make the most of my life. Yes, it's the only shot I've got. Do I want to be interesting? Of course. But lately... well, what am I waiting for?

Would your life make it as a bestseller? Would it be a novel or a biography? Beach read or literary success? Thriller, romance, coming-of-age story? I fear that mine would be a textbook, dry and matter-of-fact, collecting dust on a shelf in the back corner of the fifth floor of the public library. The part where all of the books have the same color spine, and plain gold lettering. "DOGGY POGGY: 1977-2059".

I'm not talking about self-esteem here, or worrying about what other people think (I suppose the bestseller part may have been a bit misleading). I mean: would I want to read this book? And the answer (would I be thinking about this otherwise?) is no. This book is boring! And I'm not just talking about the last couple of pages here, we're at least a chapter into the boring stuff, and I'm pretty sure I would have put it down by now in favor of another one on the night stand.

So what am I waiting for? I'm a writer - write something interesting! Put something good on the page. Because a plot twist is long overdue...

It's easier than it looks.

Day 16 - Shadows

This is the second time in a week that a Picture Spring photo has fallen into my lap, so I figured I should say something. Today's prompt was as follows: 'Today, beyond the obvious objects that might catch your eye, look for the shadow shapes they leave behind.'

It's been a long week. I'm tired and grouchy. Thankfully, I was able to kick out of work a little early today and beat the Friday commute, but when I got home, all I wanted to do was settle in with an adult beverage and stare out the window. It was the perfect time to get out into the neighborhood and find some shadows, but I just didn't want to. So I poured a glass of gin, grabbed the Crate and Barrel and Athleta catalogs from the mail, and cozied into my chaise in the living room (oh, CB2, you sadden me, but at least you're entertaining) (also, am I the only one who does this? Reading catalogs from which I will allow myself to buy nothing definitely ranks in my top five everyday, nothing's-really-going-on, after-work activities. This is way better than TV, or the treadmill, for that matter.).

Anyway, the point is, I'm sitting here with the gin and the magazines, and what do you know? There's my photo. Twice, in fact (this is my "official selection" for the project, but you can see a couple more on my flickr stream). I look up, and think, "huh. that's a pretty good shot." And, you know, the reason I think it's worth writing down is this: it's right there in front of you. It's easier than it looks. Right there. Everyday.

This is why I signed up for the class, right?


PS: Pretty sure that fantastic shadow is courtesy of my fantastically dirty windows.

Not dead.

I guess I've been a bit absent lately, though, huh? No surprise, I've been distracted by my other new project, and there just aren't enough hours in the day. Well that, and the fact that I haven't been able to pull myself out of bed at my usual writing hour (4 in the morning) with even a hint of inspiration for over a week. There's a lot buzzing around in my head, just haven't been able to catch it on the page. In the meantime, you can check out my foray into photography over here, and if pictures aren't your bag, could I interest you in a little Jen Gray? She spoke to me in a big way this week; it's not the first time.

I'll be back. Promise.

First Photo

That's right, folks. The first shot on my brand-spankin'-new EOS 450D:

First Photo

Hm. It's not so great, is it? But that's okay! I'm just learning! (Actually, thanks to the editing in iPhoto and the fact that everything looks so stinkin' clear on this Mac screen anyway, it's not all that bad...)

Please forgive me for the page layout - I'm learning on that front, too. The Blogger Help makes it sound so simple, and yet here I am trying to de-code code, for goodness sakes, just so this pic isn't all smushed up over to the right side. Know that in my head, the picture was centered on the page, with text at the top and bottom. (Really, just know that in my head, this entry looked more like a page in O Magazine, and less like the webpage I put together in college in 1998.) (Also, it didn't feature a picture of Target.)

And why Target, you may ask? Well, I knew that the camera didn't come with an SD card, so I made sure to order one from Amazon at the same time I ordered my camera from B&H. Amazon's cards were cheaper. And slower to arrive in the mail, apparently. I practically ran down the stairs of my apartment building to meet the UPS guy this afternoon, then I get everything unpacked and... oh, hell. Can't do a whole lot with a digital camera if you don't have anything with which to store the images, now can you? So: Target -> SD card -> furious unwrapping of said card, sitting in my parked car (why didn't I bring scissors???) -> glamour shot of a big box in North Chicago. (The clerk was a total dick, by the way - so dickish that it warrants mentioning - but that is a story for another day. Seriously, it involves my new camera bag, so it's all related, and I think you will enjoy the DIY tutorial that is still to come.)

Do I walk too fast?

Okay, here's where this is coming from. I am a fast walker. I walk With Purpose. I am On A Mission. I am the woman whose quiet and impatient sigh you hear as you and your jogging partner are do-dicking around and taking up the whole sidewalk in front of me. I could win an Ultimate Fastwalking Championship, if it came down to that. And today, it occurred to me that this might be a serious impediment to my new hobby.

You see, over the weekend, in a burst of tax-refund-fueled impulse, I ordered myself my first real, grownup camera. And I am so excited! So excited, in fact, that I even signed up for an e-course that I'm hoping will (1) give me some instruction in this extremely new-to-me art form, and (2) keep me motivated through that tough stage of a new hobby, where you're inevitably a bit disappointed that your very first efforts aren't in any way comparable to those of the professionals in the field (surprise!).

There's a third part that piqued my interest in this class, though, and here's where my speed-walking comes in. Here's what Tracey highlighted as her intention for the course: 'The goal with Picture Spring however, is to not only prompt you into taking a photo each day, it's to help elevate that click into a mindful meditation, an act of gratitude, a narrative of your heart.' Um, not entirely sure what that's going to entail, but I'm pretty sure I'm gonna have to stop walking so stinkin' fast. I have the feeling this is going to be kind of an uncomfortable space for me, at least at first. I mean, don't get me wrong, I am mindful when I'm walking around the neighborhood. I'm taking in the houses (the houses, I love the houses in my neighborhood), looking for the first shoots of flowers coming up, trying to greet passers-by (oh, that's a whole other story, for a different day). But stopping? And really looking?

Hm. I suppose this might be why I was drawn to the camera in the first place.

Job Suckage, Days 1 & 2

(Obviously, we're using "day" loosely here.) I did actually get started on the Challenge in January; I got my perfect day down on paper. I don't mind sayin': it felt good just to get that part nailed down, and to tell you the truth, the calm that came out of getting some clarity on what's really important to me was probably what stopped me from moving on to the next step. The worry didn't seem so urgent after that.

Still, I would like to move on to actually bringing that life into existence, plus at this point the calm has completely evaporated and left in its place the awful and entirely irrational worry that oh my god this is all there is and I'm going to be doing this for the rest of my life if I don't head into my boss's office and quit right this minute.

Right. So. I'm leaving off the story, for now at least. It's a good one, but rather long, and probably something I would post if I could figure out how to do that thing with your webpage where you can truncate the entries to, like, five lines and people can click to Read More... if they're really that enthralled with the perfect day of a total stranger. For now, I'm keeping it to my prioritized list of 10 qualities or feelings that stand out from my perfect day.

On this day, I feel or have:
1. well-rested and healthy.
2. balance: enough time to write, cook, work out, plus some social/family time.
3. engaged: I'm interested in what I do for a living.
4. valued.
5. clear goals or intentions.
6. energized.
7. tired at the end. (I know, sort of in contrast to feeling energized. It's a good tired, though - that feeling of having worked really hard and accomplished something that has meaning.)
8. little stress.
9. respected.
10. successful. (And... what does that mean? Still workin' on it...)